For a few months now I have been so uninspired for someone who live purely by convictions it has been quite a torture. Life seems so mundane without any purpose for me to hold on, for me to fight for. I tried going back to the theories I had before but it wasn't the same.. Everyday I am just faced with the same question resign or not to resign. I kept listing down why I want to resign and what's holding myself back. And I have come to realize that what's holding me back are barriers that only time can bring it down. There was nothing within my control. Yet at the same time I am so impatient. Like how my best friend said it, I am trapped in a comfortable glass jar with nice bed and everything I need. But instead of focusing on living my life inside that glass jar, I am constantly looking out and thinking about the time I can finally run on a grass field or roll in a bed of roses. I wanted what I want now and I couldn't even wait another day. Like a little girl at the toy store crying and stomping her feet insisting that her parents give her that toy that she deems she so badly needs. To think about it, I am constantly whining about how passengers are so impatient, only wanting what they want and always wanting it now! I guess they were just a reflection of my heart. They echoed what I am saying to God everyday. They were so loud yet I failed to hear.
And so.. I discovered what my season is: Obedience. I have come to learnt that God said "Obey my commandment" and not "be convicted of my commandment and then act on it". I have spent the last few years living my life by convictions. I promise only to do any religious activities such as reading the bible, going to church, etc as only something I will do if I feel fully passionate and convicted about. I never want to do anything just because I am told to do so. I wanted to do something only if I saw the need of it or at least the logic or reasoning behind doing it.
But for now, I have learnt that obedience is indeed better than sacrifice. Forget about my convictions, my obedience to God is staying in my glass jar and making the best out of it.
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Friday, January 16, 2015
Lessons Learned in 2014
I remember ending 2013 telling myself to never missed another opportunity ever again. I told myself to do whatever I set my mind and heart to do and I guessed I pretty much achieved my 2013 goal. With that being said, 2014 was struggling because I was constantly throwing myself out of comfort zone.
Lesson 1: My greatest fear
I learned that not knowing is probably my greatest fear. The more I learn the more I do not know. Being at the age and time where informations are available easily, I find myself being spoilt for choices. I find it hard to decide on something (anything for the matter - career, relationships, etc), not knowing if giving up on one path and choosing another was going to bring me anywhere. In 2013, I made major decisions. No, it should be life changing decisions. Till date, I am convinced that I couldn't have choose my choices better but giving up on a path that I was set on for several years brought many nights with pillows soaked in tears. For once in my life I was not crying not because of anyone but about myself. About my fears, my decisions and about not knowing...
Lesson 2: On leaving & distance.
I never really thought about leaving before. The day that I received the golden call from Emirates changes that. I watched for 30days prior to my leaving how friends and family reacted to my departure. Some cried, some were excited, some withdrawn but most were just worried. Seeing how I affected them made me feel so lousy about myself. I wondered if I was too selfish. But yet at the same time I am touched beyond words to see that I am indeed well loved by many. I saw how they choose to love me despite how they felt. 6 months has passed since I left Singapore and I have concluded that distance is not a bad thing after all. Distance taught me to appreciate what I took for granted. Distance gave me space to think to learn and to grow. Distance showed me my true friends and who truly mattered to me. No matter which part of the world I am in and how far I am away from my family and friends physically, they will always remain in my heart - close to me.
Lesson 3: I am who I am
One of my objective coming to Dubai was to be with myself, know myself and love myself. After trying for several months to know myself I questioned why I actually try so hard to define myself anyws? Why am I constantly labeling myself and others as either extrovert or introvert, either a good person or a wild party person, either selfish or selfless? Why do we have to be that way? Maybe I am selfish today doesn’t mean I am a selfish person. Why do I try so hard to define and put traits on myself then struggle with my whole identity when one conflicts the other? The truth is I am just who I am. And everyone is just the way they are too.
So, I closed the last page of 2014 17 days late.
Come 2015, my resolution is found in my fav author's quote.
Lesson 1: My greatest fear
I learned that not knowing is probably my greatest fear. The more I learn the more I do not know. Being at the age and time where informations are available easily, I find myself being spoilt for choices. I find it hard to decide on something (anything for the matter - career, relationships, etc), not knowing if giving up on one path and choosing another was going to bring me anywhere. In 2013, I made major decisions. No, it should be life changing decisions. Till date, I am convinced that I couldn't have choose my choices better but giving up on a path that I was set on for several years brought many nights with pillows soaked in tears. For once in my life I was not crying not because of anyone but about myself. About my fears, my decisions and about not knowing...
Lesson 2: On leaving & distance.
I never really thought about leaving before. The day that I received the golden call from Emirates changes that. I watched for 30days prior to my leaving how friends and family reacted to my departure. Some cried, some were excited, some withdrawn but most were just worried. Seeing how I affected them made me feel so lousy about myself. I wondered if I was too selfish. But yet at the same time I am touched beyond words to see that I am indeed well loved by many. I saw how they choose to love me despite how they felt. 6 months has passed since I left Singapore and I have concluded that distance is not a bad thing after all. Distance taught me to appreciate what I took for granted. Distance gave me space to think to learn and to grow. Distance showed me my true friends and who truly mattered to me. No matter which part of the world I am in and how far I am away from my family and friends physically, they will always remain in my heart - close to me.
Lesson 3: I am who I am
One of my objective coming to Dubai was to be with myself, know myself and love myself. After trying for several months to know myself I questioned why I actually try so hard to define myself anyws? Why am I constantly labeling myself and others as either extrovert or introvert, either a good person or a wild party person, either selfish or selfless? Why do we have to be that way? Maybe I am selfish today doesn’t mean I am a selfish person. Why do I try so hard to define and put traits on myself then struggle with my whole identity when one conflicts the other? The truth is I am just who I am. And everyone is just the way they are too.
So, I closed the last page of 2014 17 days late.
Come 2015, my resolution is found in my fav author's quote.
"I want to taste and glory in each day, and never be afraid to experience pain, and never shut myself up in a numb core of non feeling, or stop questioning and criticizing life and take the easy way out. To learn and think; to think and live; to live and learn: this always, with new insight, new understanding, and new love."
- Sylvia Plath.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Moving On
We all know how much separation hurts - break up, departures, goodbyes. These words contain so much sadness alone, what more when you try to use it within a certain context.
I guess the very first time I knew how much separation hurts was when I was five. When my mum was admitted to the hospital to deliver my younger sister. I can't remember how long was she actually away. Was it a week? or a few days? I don't know. I guess my kindergarden didn't really taught me how to tell time yet. What I do remember however is me sitting at my door, crying and waiting for my mum to return. Everyday after school, I would sit at the gate and watch if a familiar face would return. I remember my grandmother came and stayed with me so that she can take care of me. I remember my dad trying to cheer me up by picking me to school in his motobike. Btw, my school was only a few blocks away from where I stayed. I remember my aunt came over pretty often to help me with my school work. But I only had one thing on my mind the whole time - my mum. I was afraid that she would never come back. I didn't understood why she had to go to the hospital. And I don't remember going to the hospital to see her either. I was afraid it was some kind of lie these adults say to kids. Maybe my mum didn't want me and they were just afraid to tell me. And so at the age of five, I cried because I was separated from my mum. Thankfully, it was only temporary. And when she returned, she brought back my baby sister :)
The second time I dealt with separation would have to be break ups. Although each break up has a different story, different lessons learnt, different intensity but just like when I was five, I cried and I waited. I concluded that separation hurts because of the message it sends you. When someone walk out of your life, you can't help but feel abandoned, unwanted and unloved.
The third time (okay, technically it isn't third but you get my point) I dealt with separation was when I went to Korea for exchange. This time I was the one leaving people behind. I left everything and everyone I knew behind. Although it was temporary, although by now the education system in Singapore has taught me the concept of time well, separation still hurts. I didn't feel it all the time but there were nights when I lay in bed thinking about my own bed, thinking about my family and everyone back at home. And for the first time, I knew how moving on feels like - uncertain. I wasn't sure if I made the right choice, I wasn't sure if the people I left behind was doing okay, I wasn't sure what to expect in a foreign land, I wasn't sure about who I would meet, I wasn't sure what to get out of this trip, I just wasn't sure.
The fourth time I dealt with separation was a total eradication from my comfort zone. I walked out of people whom I grew up with, whom I am used to sharing life with, whom I turned to when I am down, whom I had a future with. Although we are still friends now, but we all know that it isn't the same. More than people, I walked out of a culture, a lifestyle, a set of beliefs and convictions. When you walk out of a fish tank to throw yourself into the ocean, you don't naturally expect the same things right? Suddenly, I find myself trying to swim with waves and with currents. I feel so tiny in that vast oceans. I feel alone. I couldn't see the end. I don't know where I was swimming to, I don't know where I was heading and again I don't know if I was right coming to the ocean. Till date, it is the toughest decision I ever made in my life. I know that the people I left behind have their own stories to tell, but I wished they knew that it wasn't easy for me to move on as well. It takes more courage to leave than to stay. To be fair, it isn't all that bad too. Coming to the ocean is painful and uncomfortable yet exciting. I find myself constantly in awed with the things I discovered. I really love where I am now, who I have become, etc. But there are just days you wish you were a normal fish just swimming in a fish tank with fishes you are familiar with and in a safe and comfortable environment.
---
Reading back on my whole emirates interview process I could see that actually I wanted this job more than I thot I wanted it. I laughed because I felt stupid. No, I was stupid. (If you geddit, you geddit)
The very first day I got here, I didn't like this city. This city has no soul. And it is something you have to experience it for yourself. I can't explained it to you. As the days pass by, I felt more and more depressed. Someone once told me that Dubai and Singapore are similar, so I won't have trouble adjusting to it. And having lived in Seoul for almost a good 2 months, I assumed all cities are the same. Omg. How wrong can I be. Coming to Dubai I thot that I would be able to sort out my feelings, I wanted to be inspired, I wanted to discover, to explore, I wanted to be adventurous, I wanted to maybe fall in love not so much having a partner or something but to fall in love with humans again, to fall in love with another city, another town, another culture. But it was nothing like what I expected. In the end I didnt struggle with loneliness, or that I would be forgotten, or fitting in, or the job itself. But I struggled major major disappointment. And because I wanted so much from this, I fell real hard when my expectation was far from the cold hard reality.
And being here for 5 months now, all the advice that the seniors give is that.. you have to be positive. I am not a negative person. In fact I am really optimistic and really really idealistic. But I have never felt more pessimistic in my life ever. Training was tough, adjusting to this new life was tough, being home sick was tough.
I don't know why people seems to have some kind of false perception about cabin crew. Our lives seem to glitter in the eyes of others. Otherwise scandalous. I guess it isn't their fault because of all the pictures they see on facebook and now instagram. But the truth is, we are just weary and tired all the time. Our layover are as short as 24hours. We fly at weird timing like 2.30am. We sleep in the day and we work at night. We sleep and adjust to different time zones on a daily basis. While you are sitting in your seat as a passengers thinking that you are the only one in the aircraft, We have 400 over passengers on a full flight to serve. And people think that we are so damn slow but truth is, we don't stop serving for almost 2 hours straight. And we are not as well paid as you think we are too. But I guess humans are not interested in truths they are only interested in how they perceive truth. People only choose to see what they want to see.
Of course it isn't all bad. I made really wonderful friends here. They are more than family to me. I learnt so much about different cultures. Living abroad and meeting people from all over the world has really made me more open minded and accepting. Sometimes it is wonderful to wake up in Shanghai today and South Africa the next week. Traveling and staying at nice hotels are things I can never ever afford if not for my job.
Don't get me wrong. I am not complaining. I am just saying how I feel. I know of people who would die to be in my shoes. I know I should really try loving everything I have right now. But no matter what this job can offer me, blah blah blah. It won't change how I feel. I didn't regret coming to Dubai. I didn't regret pausing my life in Singapore and starting something new here. But the truth is, I don't this place at all. I find this job too tiring and damaging for health. But I will make the best out of it. Because I chose to come.
So.. This is the story of moving on. It is uncomfortable and uncertain not quite what I expected it to be sometimes it is rewarding but I personally find it struggling.
I guess the very first time I knew how much separation hurts was when I was five. When my mum was admitted to the hospital to deliver my younger sister. I can't remember how long was she actually away. Was it a week? or a few days? I don't know. I guess my kindergarden didn't really taught me how to tell time yet. What I do remember however is me sitting at my door, crying and waiting for my mum to return. Everyday after school, I would sit at the gate and watch if a familiar face would return. I remember my grandmother came and stayed with me so that she can take care of me. I remember my dad trying to cheer me up by picking me to school in his motobike. Btw, my school was only a few blocks away from where I stayed. I remember my aunt came over pretty often to help me with my school work. But I only had one thing on my mind the whole time - my mum. I was afraid that she would never come back. I didn't understood why she had to go to the hospital. And I don't remember going to the hospital to see her either. I was afraid it was some kind of lie these adults say to kids. Maybe my mum didn't want me and they were just afraid to tell me. And so at the age of five, I cried because I was separated from my mum. Thankfully, it was only temporary. And when she returned, she brought back my baby sister :)
The second time I dealt with separation would have to be break ups. Although each break up has a different story, different lessons learnt, different intensity but just like when I was five, I cried and I waited. I concluded that separation hurts because of the message it sends you. When someone walk out of your life, you can't help but feel abandoned, unwanted and unloved.
The third time (okay, technically it isn't third but you get my point) I dealt with separation was when I went to Korea for exchange. This time I was the one leaving people behind. I left everything and everyone I knew behind. Although it was temporary, although by now the education system in Singapore has taught me the concept of time well, separation still hurts. I didn't feel it all the time but there were nights when I lay in bed thinking about my own bed, thinking about my family and everyone back at home. And for the first time, I knew how moving on feels like - uncertain. I wasn't sure if I made the right choice, I wasn't sure if the people I left behind was doing okay, I wasn't sure what to expect in a foreign land, I wasn't sure about who I would meet, I wasn't sure what to get out of this trip, I just wasn't sure.
The fourth time I dealt with separation was a total eradication from my comfort zone. I walked out of people whom I grew up with, whom I am used to sharing life with, whom I turned to when I am down, whom I had a future with. Although we are still friends now, but we all know that it isn't the same. More than people, I walked out of a culture, a lifestyle, a set of beliefs and convictions. When you walk out of a fish tank to throw yourself into the ocean, you don't naturally expect the same things right? Suddenly, I find myself trying to swim with waves and with currents. I feel so tiny in that vast oceans. I feel alone. I couldn't see the end. I don't know where I was swimming to, I don't know where I was heading and again I don't know if I was right coming to the ocean. Till date, it is the toughest decision I ever made in my life. I know that the people I left behind have their own stories to tell, but I wished they knew that it wasn't easy for me to move on as well. It takes more courage to leave than to stay. To be fair, it isn't all that bad too. Coming to the ocean is painful and uncomfortable yet exciting. I find myself constantly in awed with the things I discovered. I really love where I am now, who I have become, etc. But there are just days you wish you were a normal fish just swimming in a fish tank with fishes you are familiar with and in a safe and comfortable environment.
---
Reading back on my whole emirates interview process I could see that actually I wanted this job more than I thot I wanted it. I laughed because I felt stupid. No, I was stupid. (If you geddit, you geddit)
The very first day I got here, I didn't like this city. This city has no soul. And it is something you have to experience it for yourself. I can't explained it to you. As the days pass by, I felt more and more depressed. Someone once told me that Dubai and Singapore are similar, so I won't have trouble adjusting to it. And having lived in Seoul for almost a good 2 months, I assumed all cities are the same. Omg. How wrong can I be. Coming to Dubai I thot that I would be able to sort out my feelings, I wanted to be inspired, I wanted to discover, to explore, I wanted to be adventurous, I wanted to maybe fall in love not so much having a partner or something but to fall in love with humans again, to fall in love with another city, another town, another culture. But it was nothing like what I expected. In the end I didnt struggle with loneliness, or that I would be forgotten, or fitting in, or the job itself. But I struggled major major disappointment. And because I wanted so much from this, I fell real hard when my expectation was far from the cold hard reality.
And being here for 5 months now, all the advice that the seniors give is that.. you have to be positive. I am not a negative person. In fact I am really optimistic and really really idealistic. But I have never felt more pessimistic in my life ever. Training was tough, adjusting to this new life was tough, being home sick was tough.
I don't know why people seems to have some kind of false perception about cabin crew. Our lives seem to glitter in the eyes of others. Otherwise scandalous. I guess it isn't their fault because of all the pictures they see on facebook and now instagram. But the truth is, we are just weary and tired all the time. Our layover are as short as 24hours. We fly at weird timing like 2.30am. We sleep in the day and we work at night. We sleep and adjust to different time zones on a daily basis. While you are sitting in your seat as a passengers thinking that you are the only one in the aircraft, We have 400 over passengers on a full flight to serve. And people think that we are so damn slow but truth is, we don't stop serving for almost 2 hours straight. And we are not as well paid as you think we are too. But I guess humans are not interested in truths they are only interested in how they perceive truth. People only choose to see what they want to see.
Of course it isn't all bad. I made really wonderful friends here. They are more than family to me. I learnt so much about different cultures. Living abroad and meeting people from all over the world has really made me more open minded and accepting. Sometimes it is wonderful to wake up in Shanghai today and South Africa the next week. Traveling and staying at nice hotels are things I can never ever afford if not for my job.
Don't get me wrong. I am not complaining. I am just saying how I feel. I know of people who would die to be in my shoes. I know I should really try loving everything I have right now. But no matter what this job can offer me, blah blah blah. It won't change how I feel. I didn't regret coming to Dubai. I didn't regret pausing my life in Singapore and starting something new here. But the truth is, I don't this place at all. I find this job too tiring and damaging for health. But I will make the best out of it. Because I chose to come.
So.. This is the story of moving on. It is uncomfortable and uncertain not quite what I expected it to be sometimes it is rewarding but I personally find it struggling.
Friday, September 12, 2014
Love always perseveres
We have covered many different aspects of love thus far and they all have one thing in common. They can be faked. It is possible to fake patience and kindness, etc. There is one last thing that is the final step to discovering the authenticity of love. Until it has been added to everything else, love is really not love yet. Before love leaves the assembly line and is given the label of authenticity, it must be tested. This testing is essential not only to prove it is really love, but also to survive, thrive, and grow.
Perseverance is the result of combining all these essential qualities of true love. There is only one way to know for certain whether love is real love or not. It has to make it through the fire. Either it will persevere or it will melt away.
We must have opposition and adversity to experience the incredible endurance, the perseverance of love. And yet, adversity is the very thing many people take as evidence of false love. We've learned that love is supposed to make suffering and hardship go away, but the truth is that nothing does that. The very purpose of love is to persevere and hold on in the midst of trails.
Many of us have been taught that adversity was a result of the Fall, and if Adam and Eve had not sinned, we would never experience adversity of any kind. This is untrue. Adversity was created by God and is needed to build strength. The Bible says that even Jesus learned obedience through suffering. If Jesus was the second Adam and was completely without sin, why would suffering teach him anything? Everything in this world grows and is tested through adversity. Trees become stronger through drought and storms.
Perseverance is the result of combining all these essential qualities of true love. There is only one way to know for certain whether love is real love or not. It has to make it through the fire. Either it will persevere or it will melt away.
We must have opposition and adversity to experience the incredible endurance, the perseverance of love. And yet, adversity is the very thing many people take as evidence of false love. We've learned that love is supposed to make suffering and hardship go away, but the truth is that nothing does that. The very purpose of love is to persevere and hold on in the midst of trails.
Many of us have been taught that adversity was a result of the Fall, and if Adam and Eve had not sinned, we would never experience adversity of any kind. This is untrue. Adversity was created by God and is needed to build strength. The Bible says that even Jesus learned obedience through suffering. If Jesus was the second Adam and was completely without sin, why would suffering teach him anything? Everything in this world grows and is tested through adversity. Trees become stronger through drought and storms.
"extracts from Misunderstood God by Darin Hufford"
----
and I will become stronger too.
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Love always hope
Women hope they don't gain weight, and men hope they make a lot of money. Terminally ill patients hope they beat the sickness. Prisoners hope they'll released early, and everyone else hopes they won't.
Although most of these things are possible, they are not probable. However, our view of hope chooses to make them at least appear probable for the moment. It gives us what we need to get us through the day. If it doesn't happen, that's okay; at least we didn't give up hope.
The problem with this definition of hope is that it has been reduced to wishing for something. There's no certainty or guarantee. It's just a dream of what could possibly take place. There isn't anything wrong with wishing and dreaming, but when it takes the place of real hope, we are making a grave mistake. The inevitable end of that mind-set is hopelessness.
Hope must always be inserted into truth. If it is placed in anything other than truth, it becomes a destructive force that can potentially lead us into a world of emptiness and anguish. When hope is placed in truth, it tows us through life's trials. Hope was created for truth, nothing but truth.
Imagine what happens when God's children believe they might not get to go to heaven if they make a mistake. Love could never threaten to tear those tickets up. God knows you need those tickets. The power of you knowing that those tickets are yours and no one can take them from you, it the same power you need to get through life. Heaven is guaranteed to you because you need that guarantee. If you are a Christian and you don't believe you are secure in Christ, you have no hope. All you have is a wish and a dream. Until you know for sure that you belong to God and you are going to be with Him when you die, you will remain in a state of constant hopelessness.
The reason God has hope in you isn't because you've earned it. God knows the trust about you. And hope is always placed in truth. God's hope for you has to do with the truth that He has seen with His own eyes. He hopes in you because of His certainty of it.
True hope is: seeing the full truth and hoping in the assurance that truth will prevail in the end.
-----
Just enough strength for each new day.
Although most of these things are possible, they are not probable. However, our view of hope chooses to make them at least appear probable for the moment. It gives us what we need to get us through the day. If it doesn't happen, that's okay; at least we didn't give up hope.
The problem with this definition of hope is that it has been reduced to wishing for something. There's no certainty or guarantee. It's just a dream of what could possibly take place. There isn't anything wrong with wishing and dreaming, but when it takes the place of real hope, we are making a grave mistake. The inevitable end of that mind-set is hopelessness.
Hope must always be inserted into truth. If it is placed in anything other than truth, it becomes a destructive force that can potentially lead us into a world of emptiness and anguish. When hope is placed in truth, it tows us through life's trials. Hope was created for truth, nothing but truth.
Imagine what happens when God's children believe they might not get to go to heaven if they make a mistake. Love could never threaten to tear those tickets up. God knows you need those tickets. The power of you knowing that those tickets are yours and no one can take them from you, it the same power you need to get through life. Heaven is guaranteed to you because you need that guarantee. If you are a Christian and you don't believe you are secure in Christ, you have no hope. All you have is a wish and a dream. Until you know for sure that you belong to God and you are going to be with Him when you die, you will remain in a state of constant hopelessness.
The reason God has hope in you isn't because you've earned it. God knows the trust about you. And hope is always placed in truth. God's hope for you has to do with the truth that He has seen with His own eyes. He hopes in you because of His certainty of it.
True hope is: seeing the full truth and hoping in the assurance that truth will prevail in the end.
"extracts from Misunderstood God by Darin Hufford"
-----
Just enough strength for each new day.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Love always trust
Because of misguided concept of trust, We became fearful of a trusting God. We actually fear that He might send us to a foreign country to be a missionary or call us to marry someone we don't want. Many of us believe that God doesn't take into account who we are or what we prefer. He just commands us to do stuff, and we are required to trust Him and obey. Trusting God was presented to many of us as an order. It was something we were required to do if we wanted to be rewarded with anything good. Whether or not if flowed from anything real and authentic wasn't the issue. Putting trust in God was a measurement of faith. If I worry about life, it was as good as telling Him I didn't love Him.
God was like a controlling, abusive husband with an insecurity complex. He wanted my trust so He would feel powerful. Coming to trust God was never presented to me as something that evolved naturally out of love. It was an obligation that you did out of fear, not love.
Some preacher tell us that God wouldn't bless us until He could first trust us. I quickly learned that I shouldn't expect any real blessing from Him because I had proven a thousand times over that I'd screw it all up in the end. So I quit asking. I was taught that God would do nothing but put me through test after test in life. Everything was a test. He was constantly testing me to see if I was trustworthy. It was exhausting and irritating because it seemed I never knew I was being tested until I had already failed.
Here's the problem: our view of trust has to do with acts, external proof, and being worthy. We focus on the things we want from God and if we get them, we trust Him. If we don't, we won't. And we believe He acts this way too.
We see trust from an outward perspective. We think it pertains to things and topics and instances. God sees trust as it pertains to the heart. What does the heart look like when it is trusting? What is its position and attitude? If we can define that, we will have discovered the true meaning of trust. The unfortunate thing about the way we measure trust is that it can be counterfeited. We can act like we trust someone when the real posture of our hearts is positioned to the contrary.
What the world fails to see is that trust is not about whether you get what you want or are allowed to do this or that. There is a difference between God's trust and His wisdom. God's trust cannot be summed up by the things He does or doesn't give us.
It's important to God that we know He trusts, even when we aren't trustworthy, His heart doors are still wide open to us. It's essential that we trust He will apply His wisdom to our lives at any cost and never close His heart to us. This is possible only if we understand the difference between the manifestations of trust on the inside and our preconceived expectations of trust on the outside.
"extracts from Misunderstood God by Darin Hufford"
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Talking about trusting God.. It has been over a month since I moved to Dubai. Everything has been difficult and amazing at the same time. Training is intense and hard. I never ever paid attention in class all my life. lols. I go to school and stare into blank spaces and just get through life like that for all my education years. On top of that, I am always grasping only the big picture or the main point. Over here in training college, I have to be super attentive and remember details like how many equipments are at which location, blah blah blah. Oh. My. Gawd. it drains the crap out of me. Anyhow, just a few more weeks of training and I am going to start flying. Not sure how to feel about it! Talk about Trusting God!
Somehow, this phrase is so clique and commonly used in the "christian circle". Honestly, I don't really know what we actually mean when we say "just trust God". I don't know what exactly counts as trusting God but maybe my journey to moved to Dubai, my interview process and being here has taught me what I think trusting God meant.
He is with me in every step - even the smallest thing like making the food I want to eat suddenly available to me. Trusting Him not in what he can do for me but in his character and in his love for me.
God was like a controlling, abusive husband with an insecurity complex. He wanted my trust so He would feel powerful. Coming to trust God was never presented to me as something that evolved naturally out of love. It was an obligation that you did out of fear, not love.
Some preacher tell us that God wouldn't bless us until He could first trust us. I quickly learned that I shouldn't expect any real blessing from Him because I had proven a thousand times over that I'd screw it all up in the end. So I quit asking. I was taught that God would do nothing but put me through test after test in life. Everything was a test. He was constantly testing me to see if I was trustworthy. It was exhausting and irritating because it seemed I never knew I was being tested until I had already failed.
Here's the problem: our view of trust has to do with acts, external proof, and being worthy. We focus on the things we want from God and if we get them, we trust Him. If we don't, we won't. And we believe He acts this way too.
We see trust from an outward perspective. We think it pertains to things and topics and instances. God sees trust as it pertains to the heart. What does the heart look like when it is trusting? What is its position and attitude? If we can define that, we will have discovered the true meaning of trust. The unfortunate thing about the way we measure trust is that it can be counterfeited. We can act like we trust someone when the real posture of our hearts is positioned to the contrary.
What the world fails to see is that trust is not about whether you get what you want or are allowed to do this or that. There is a difference between God's trust and His wisdom. God's trust cannot be summed up by the things He does or doesn't give us.
It's important to God that we know He trusts, even when we aren't trustworthy, His heart doors are still wide open to us. It's essential that we trust He will apply His wisdom to our lives at any cost and never close His heart to us. This is possible only if we understand the difference between the manifestations of trust on the inside and our preconceived expectations of trust on the outside.
"extracts from Misunderstood God by Darin Hufford"
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Talking about trusting God.. It has been over a month since I moved to Dubai. Everything has been difficult and amazing at the same time. Training is intense and hard. I never ever paid attention in class all my life. lols. I go to school and stare into blank spaces and just get through life like that for all my education years. On top of that, I am always grasping only the big picture or the main point. Over here in training college, I have to be super attentive and remember details like how many equipments are at which location, blah blah blah. Oh. My. Gawd. it drains the crap out of me. Anyhow, just a few more weeks of training and I am going to start flying. Not sure how to feel about it! Talk about Trusting God!
Somehow, this phrase is so clique and commonly used in the "christian circle". Honestly, I don't really know what we actually mean when we say "just trust God". I don't know what exactly counts as trusting God but maybe my journey to moved to Dubai, my interview process and being here has taught me what I think trusting God meant.
He is with me in every step - even the smallest thing like making the food I want to eat suddenly available to me. Trusting Him not in what he can do for me but in his character and in his love for me.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Love always protects
We all have something in our lives we wish we could have been protected from. But what we want isn't always what's best for us. In the name of protecting our kids, we sanitize our homes to keep harmful bacteria out, never thinking that children may need to to develop the ability to fight off those bacteria to survive later in life.
We've come to define being protected as nothing bad ever happening to our flesh. As long as the flesh is protected, we think we're fine. But what about the spirit and the heart? The problem with modern day definition of protection is that it's shallow and nearsighted. We've actually depersonalized it and made it into a mindless concept that should fit every person in every situation. And this cookie cutter view of protection also depersonalizes our relationship with God.
We say things like, "If that person doesn't turn from what they're doing, God will 'lift His hand of protection' from them." This is how we explain tragedy in other people's lives. We think He does this because our definition of protection tells us that's what it is.
I've heard God's protection described as an umbrella, and if we step out from underneath it, we'll get rained on. We have a one-dimensional understanding of God's protection that is contingent on our following an impossible list of laws and guidelines in an effort to earn it. At any point when something bad happens, we can always find a rule on that list we overlooked and blame ourselves for stepping outside His protection.
God protects you because He loves you. Not because you are being good and following rules. Protection is a sacred thing with love. It's never used to manipulate or control. He would never threaten to take it away from the purpose of getting your attention. Know for sure that God will never ever lift His hand of protection from you! We live in a world where things go wrong. Bad things happen to all people eventually. It's just fact of life. Don't ever suspect that God has removed His protection in an effort to correct, rebuke, or punish you when something bad happens in your life. He never once promised us that nothing bad happens in your life. As long as you are here on earth, you will experience adversity and pain. Everyone does.
God's protection is a Father's promise to always hold us up in the midst of all circumstances no matter how terrible. Love bears up under anything! God will never cease to support and grow our hearts regardless of what is thrown at the flesh. God will not override the heart and save the flesh. Everything he does is for the heart! Your heart!
"extracts from Misunderstood God by Darin Hufford"
We've come to define being protected as nothing bad ever happening to our flesh. As long as the flesh is protected, we think we're fine. But what about the spirit and the heart? The problem with modern day definition of protection is that it's shallow and nearsighted. We've actually depersonalized it and made it into a mindless concept that should fit every person in every situation. And this cookie cutter view of protection also depersonalizes our relationship with God.
We say things like, "If that person doesn't turn from what they're doing, God will 'lift His hand of protection' from them." This is how we explain tragedy in other people's lives. We think He does this because our definition of protection tells us that's what it is.
I've heard God's protection described as an umbrella, and if we step out from underneath it, we'll get rained on. We have a one-dimensional understanding of God's protection that is contingent on our following an impossible list of laws and guidelines in an effort to earn it. At any point when something bad happens, we can always find a rule on that list we overlooked and blame ourselves for stepping outside His protection.
God protects you because He loves you. Not because you are being good and following rules. Protection is a sacred thing with love. It's never used to manipulate or control. He would never threaten to take it away from the purpose of getting your attention. Know for sure that God will never ever lift His hand of protection from you! We live in a world where things go wrong. Bad things happen to all people eventually. It's just fact of life. Don't ever suspect that God has removed His protection in an effort to correct, rebuke, or punish you when something bad happens in your life. He never once promised us that nothing bad happens in your life. As long as you are here on earth, you will experience adversity and pain. Everyone does.
God's protection is a Father's promise to always hold us up in the midst of all circumstances no matter how terrible. Love bears up under anything! God will never cease to support and grow our hearts regardless of what is thrown at the flesh. God will not override the heart and save the flesh. Everything he does is for the heart! Your heart!
"extracts from Misunderstood God by Darin Hufford"
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