Obey

For a few months now I have been so uninspired for someone who live purely by convictions it has been quite a torture. Life seems so mundane without any purpose for me to hold on, for me to fight for. I tried going back to the theories I had before but it wasn't the same.. Everyday I am just faced with the same question resign or not to resign. I kept listing down why I want to resign and what's holding myself back. And I have come to realize that what's holding me back are barriers that only time can bring it down. There was nothing within my control. Yet at the same time I am so impatient. Like how my best friend said it, I am trapped in a comfortable glass jar with nice bed and everything I need. But instead of focusing on living my life inside that glass jar, I am constantly looking out and thinking about the time I can finally run on a grass field or roll in a bed of roses. I wanted what I want now and I couldn't even wait another day. Like a little girl at the toy store crying and stomping her feet insisting that her parents give her that toy that she deems she so badly needs. To think about it, I am constantly whining about how passengers are so impatient, only wanting what they want and always wanting it now! I guess they were just a reflection of my heart. They echoed what I am saying to God everyday. They were so loud yet I failed to hear.

And so.. I discovered what my season is: Obedience. I have come to learnt that God said "Obey my commandment" and not "be convicted of my commandment and then act on it". I have spent the last few years living my life by convictions. I promise only to do any religious activities such as reading the bible, going to church, etc as only something I will do if I feel fully passionate and convicted about. I never want to do anything just because I am told to do so. I wanted to do something only if I saw the need of it or at least the logic or reasoning behind doing it.

But for now, I have learnt that obedience is indeed better than sacrifice. Forget about my convictions, my obedience to God is staying in my glass jar and making the best out of it.